You go to the toilet, I’m trying to edit.
I’m working on a really big project right now. It’s a bastard. Lots of text, lots of pages, lots of people who need to be sure that a lot of the text on a lot of the pages says what they want it to say. I’m in the middle, trying to make sure it says everything it’s supposed to say in a consistent and uniform tone. I’m trying to bring the body of work together, to make it harmonious and lovely. It’s like I’m growing a tree.
Occasionally, other people need to see parts of the text, to make sure it says the right thing (which I just explained). For the most part, I think it says the right thing. All the facts are pretty much there. Very little of it is actually wrong. Very little of it really needs to be changed.
But people are curious. Put a piece of copy in front of them and they try to change things so it says the right things in the particular way that want the right things to be said. Them, that is, and 25 other people. It’s not wrong, you understand, the bits they try to change. Some words, you can spell different ways. I’ve chosen to spell this word this way and I’ve done it the same way every time I’ve written it. If they spell it the other way, it’s out of place. It becomes more wrong than they thought it was when it wasn’t spelled their way.
If what I’m doing is growing a tree, I want each branch to look the same as the other branches; each leaf to look the same as the other leaves.
If what I’m doing is growing a tree, these people are dogs, who see the tree, sniff around the tree and have the uncontrollable urge to piss on the tree in an attempt to make it their own.
But this does nothing at all for the tree; it just makes the tree smell like piss.
But they don’t mind. They just want to come back to the tree when it has been chopped down, pulped, and had the information I’ve been gathering printed on it, smell it, and say ‘Yep, that’s my piss!’
Must be DB time. How I miss it…not. All that piss does not make for pretty, consistent trees.
If it’s any consolation, it’s the same the world over – I can’t touch a word here without some uppity, overly precious copywriter flying into a panic. Doesn’t matter how many times I explain that there’s a style to adhere to, or that consistency actually matters.
Everyone wants it done their way.
In my role, my philosophy is, “If I’m the one who has to do it, you tell me how you’d like it, I’ll tell you how you’ll get it.”
If they’re not going to do it themselves then they have to compromise, not me.
What I think you’re trying to say is “woof”.
Oh that analogy is gold!
You must have so much patience :)